A Eulogy...of sorts

Before I get into this post or my “eulogy” I would like to make two disclaimers.  First, to all my Holy Grounds community, this post might sound depressing or dramatic.  I understand that things might not be completely “gone” or “dead” that things instead may have shifted or whatever other forms we might want to call it.  I understand that the church should stop meeting if they feel like that is what God is saying and doing.  I also know that my church is still very much alive and there.  I simply want to honor what was and what it meant to me.  Second, this is directed to those who might go to a more traditional church.  I am in no way discrediting traditional churches they have their place and I’m not saying because my experience was so good in this setting and I struggled so much in a traditional setting that one form of church is “right” or “wrong.” 

It was around midnight after I returned home from traveling that I received the email.  It caught me completely by surprise, yet when I think about it, it wasn’t wholly unexpected.  Like a beloved grandparent who had been terminal for a long time, finally surrendering the fight, such was Holy Grounds.  They would no longer meet.  I read the email and immediately burst into tears. 

Holy Grounds.  It was so unexpected in almost everyway, the group itself, the way things unfolded and how I got involved.  At that time there was very little that could entice me into church.  Its very name denoted a place I would usually stay far away from.  My parents were missionaries so I grew up in Church.  As an adult, I found less answers and salvation in church.  I generally found four songs, two prayers, and a sermon.  I never felt as alone as when, in desperation, I turned to church.  I usually would have a panic attack and leave before the first prayer.  I stopped going. 

What enticed me into Holy Grounds was I needed a pastoral reference.  It’s hard to get a pastoral reference without a pastor and still be honest.  So, I went to a friend from Scotland.  She was my only friend who was a Christian outside of my family. I asked her to give me a “spiritual” reference.  She had never been to the area where I was now living, and to this day I don’t know how she found it, but agreed to give me the reference if I at least gave church one last try.  She sent me the websites of three different churches, one of which was Holy Grounds.  I agreed to try one of the churches.  As I looked at the Holy Grounds website I told myself “It’s just one Sunday.  You can do it- make it through one service.  You can do it.”  I remember pulling into the parking lot that had no more then ten cars.  I was instantly terrified.  Not only was it church but it was the “worst” kind, a really small church!  There would be no slipping in and out unnoticed.  I almost left.

I never expected what I encountered.  There was no singing, no preaching, and just one prayer.  There was a discussion, I could do discussion.  I’m very opinionated and had no problem thinking through churchy things and giving my opinion.  More then what the “services” included there was community, really community.  That night I called my dad and said, “I don’t know for sure, but I think I found it.  A church I like.” 

For the first time in my life, I was excited to go to church.  I was even excited to do church things.  Granted, our church things weren’t like most church’s events.  We would go eat, go dancing, watch scary movies on Halloween, go to concerts, movies and musicals.  I like to say we were and are more nerdy then most churches.  We were a community that loved to ask hard questions and ask what it means to be the Church.  We would ask frequently,” how do we do church better?”  How can we do more to care for one another and be responsible in the community outside of ourselves?  There were no pastors, worship leaders, deacons or elders.  Or were there?  In a way, we were those things without the need for those titles.  We moved in the gifting that came natural to us.  We affirmed each other’s gifts as we saw them.  It was dynamic, energetic, and genuine.  Spirituality became something alive to grapple with then some goal you wished to attain. 

Then God called me to move on from DC.  Holy Grounds was amazing, they continued to support and be my community when I moved overseas.  When I came home I never felt like I was truly home until I went to Holy Grounds.  I was baptized at Holy Grounds.  They commissioned me for ministry.  They were my sending and my home church.  I have been to many churches in various countries.  I’ve never experienced church like I did at Holy Grounds.  Like really good coffee, once you have the real deal, you never want diner coffee.  Every church since has felt like instant coffee.  Now the real cup of coffee is gone.  I now don’t have a home church.  It is a huge loss for me.  It was a place where I found God.  He moved amongst us during this season.  Holy Grounds taught me what church can be and how community is possible. 

But here is the beautiful thing; there is room now for God to do something completely new, to reform Holy Grounds in new ways, for new dreams to come forth, and new forms of communities.  Will Holy Grounds ever meet again?  It’s possible that it won’t.  It’s possible that there will be such new vision carried in each person that it will be multiplied in new and dynamic ways.  At least, that is my dream and hope. 

I also want to say thank you to everyone involved in Holy Grounds.  You ministered to me when I needed it.  You called forth amazing gifts and dreams within me.  You affirmed me and pointed me toward God.  I received so much from what was.  In so many ways I am who I am and do what I do because I had such an amazing group of people behind me.  I was able to take risks and really go for it because you invested, and believed in me.  Thank you for being the church together.  I’m excited to see what form my church will take next!